He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
