i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
