I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
