barbara walters just said penis...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
