Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
