sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
