Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
