the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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