beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
