Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
