thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
