his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
