I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize