My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
