I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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