Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
