Nicole vs. Life
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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