My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
