if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
