its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
