and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
