Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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