That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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