Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
