I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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