I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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