I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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