k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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