4 words: hood of his car
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
