Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
