You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
