Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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