I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
