I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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