Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize