Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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