how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
pray to the hookup gods
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
