Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
