Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize