Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
whose parrot is this?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
