you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
