It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
