READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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