What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
