i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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