Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
