Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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