Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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