you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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