Girls should come with a carfax report
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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