Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So squirting runs in the family.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
