so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
