god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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