I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
