you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
