smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
