did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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