Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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