I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
