Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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