Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
