i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize