Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
