I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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