drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
