My brain says no but my pants say off.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
